Breaking
Hierarchy of Vampires and Its Connection to MrBeast
There is a growing vampire threat. Vampires are far more capable than you know. Vampires feed on your sleep, time, energy, and even your intelligence.
Science
Study Finds 4 Out of 5 Vampires Would Recommend Immortality to a Friend
The remaining vampire declined to comment, citing an ongoing feud dating back to the Treaty of Westphalia.
Local
Looksmaxxing Just Became More Disturbing
The latest trend in looksmaxxing among young vampires involves being tan. It’s not looking good.
Politics
Senator Denies Being Vampire, Then Immediately Turns Into Fog
Aides described the transformation as "a coincidence" and "off the record."
Undead Life
Area Vampire Celebrates 400th Birthday, Still Can’t Figure Out How to Cancel Free Trial
The subscription, for a mail-order blood-of-the-month club, has renewed quietly since 1987.
Opinion
I Am Not Afraid of the Dark, and Other Lies I Tell Myself Before Bed
An honest reckoning with the shape in the corner that was definitely a coat rack, probably.
Health
Nutritionists Warn Garlic Bread May Be Doing More Good Than We Realized
Emergency rooms report a mysterious 30% drop in nocturnal home invasions on Italian restaurant nights.